Letters from
Teenagers

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The following are letters from depressed teenagers I have been in contact with, as well as from various other sources. If you are a teenager or an adult who has had experiences with depression, self harm or suicide as a teen, please write to me at this address to share your story.

 

My mother is very scary. She can be very sarcastic and very ironic, and then at the same time she would act and pretend she is being true and honest, but actually she's not. You can never tell if she is being real or not. Her behavior really drives me crazy. I feel I cannot differentiate true and false anymore. I feel my brain is very messed up.

 

And late at night
a night like tonight
i just feel so h.o.p.e.l.e.s.s.
i just feel so u.n.l.o.v.e.d.
and i just want someone beside me
h.u.g.g.i.n.g.m.e.c.l.o.s.e.
and telling me that i'm
not too b.r.o.k.e.n. to
l.o.v.e.
Continued

 

Later that night my parents and I had a talk... I don't like talks. It made me wish I'd never told anyone. Being told that I shouldn't "carve myself up" and that I was attempting suicide when I wasn't! They threatened to send me to a counsellor if I ever did again and that was enough to get me to stop... for a while. Continued

 

When my parents are unfair, I usually try to wait until they are finished until I storm up to my room and scream into my pillow or pummel my bed with my karate gloves (or, if I'm really lucky, I get to go to karate class and spar with my sensei/instructor). Sometimes, I get so mad at them that I yell and scream back... and get hit upside the head by my father because of my attitude. Of course, sometimes I just get grounded. Other times, I get so verbally abused (you're so stupid and idiotic and dimwitted!) that I start crying. This only makes them more mad and when I try to explain how I feel, they interrupt and say that I should not be feeling that way. Continued

 

1. verbal abuse- I get lots of this from my stepdad. Whenever we have a
family argument he calls me some of this stuff (lazy, ungrateful,
inconsiderate, uncaring, manipulative) He also has called me cuss words
when he's really mad. And my mom, I don't think, really ever verbally abuses me, although she doesn't really do much when he does :-/
Continued

 

my parents got angry because i 
wouldnt go out and eat with them 
and they made me feel like a 
failure as a daughter

 

The fact my “friends” have abandoned me, and my mother’s usual abuse, has caused me to have deep trouble with trusting anybody. I feel scared and confused when people are nice to me, ‘cause I don’t get why they like me. Why don’t you hate me, sir? Why aren’t you running from me, miss? Aren’t I disgusting? ‘Cause that’s what mummy says. Continued

 

  i've noticed i only get really upset and start thinking about suicide when my parents upset me.

i mean, someone can only take so much.

 

You all think that I'm the one
Who should be helping you.
You all think I've got life figured out,
That I would never be taboo

You all think that I am perfect,
Reaching for the stars.
But really I've got issues
And they are leaving scars.
Continued

 

I'm 14 years old and I'm doing fine at school. In fact, my school work is better than anyone ever thought it would be, including me. But recently my parents and I have been rowing a lot. I've just come back home after being chucked out of my house for the 4th time. Continued

 

Hello,

I have recently been researching emotional abuse because I think my mother may be doing so to me. I second-guess this though, because I do have clinical depression in addition to a slew of other conditions including ADHD, Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder, Borderline Bi-Polar Disorder, and Anxiety. It's taken me months to even consider that my mom is a trigger. Continued

 

I'm terrified she thinks I say it for attention, which is not what I want to do at all. It frightens me to talk about it because people do think it's for attention, when actually I just don't want to exist. I wish I could just disappear and be gone. Continued

 

If I cannot stand up against my own mother, how can I face the world? I have tried to stand up to her before. I just get slapped, told not to talk back, and then I am sent to my room until I can come back down with an acceptable attitude (which includes a humiliating apology). If she detects any trace of insincerity, the cycle begins anew. I can't beat her. I know this isn't a game, but sometimes, it does feel like some horrible game. If I can win, if I can beat her, I get out and the rest of the family gets out too. Continued

 

i guess i sort of started to notice that she was mean when i was 10. she would always threaten to spank me and stuff. she's from texas so i never gave it any thought before then. but i had been getting the same empty threat since i was 6. i was done. so i told her she wouldn't and she slapped me. that was the last time i ever said anything like that again.Continued

 

 My father is a verbally and psychologically abusive man (I deem him a sociopath, and all together, a toxic person) who has no real friends but rather fixed acquaintances. Like in most toxic relationships, we would get along at a "certain distance"... in my case, walking on eggshells to avoid his rebukes. But even when my mother and I managed to leave him, he would still call us. Although, my mother and I would avoid these calls. Continued

 

I'm still living with my parents. Just tonight I've cut myself so badly that I have to sit here with one hand holding up my pyjama bottoms so that it doesn't stain. It seems like half of my life is a lie - I love my parents, yet detest them with every ounce of me. I seem to be lying to myself...

My only friends are on the internet, because all of my true ones are overseas in the life I left behind...

I moved here in July, and spent New Years sitting alone in the dark, listening to music and watching the fireworks, hoping that someone out there had my share of happiness. If I can't be happy, then I hope that the happiness I should have can at least be passed on to someone else who can feel it. But regardless, it's been a lonely few months, and stress isn't good to me - I get physically ill.

 

Hello,

Most recently I found out I'm being Verbally abused. I thought it was normal the way she made me feel useless. My mom likes to say that to me, that I'm useless and no one will ever love me. She favors my little sister, sometimes she tells me "oh shes going to be a lot smarter and prettier than you". My mom has never once been proud of me or gave me a compliment. She made me have low Self-esteem. It takes a thousand compliments to get your self-esteem high, and one insult to tear it all down. I cut myself because of her. I have never cut for any other reason than her tearing me down. I've told some friends about it, but they don't know how serious it actually is. Sometimes i wonder if it would be better if i just killed myself..................

 

Just because poeple dont want to accept help doesnt mean that they dont want to get better, it just means that they would rather get better on their own terms, not because everyone else is saying thats what should happen.

I've said those words for years, I believe them so much, but noone else does. They don't care what I want even though they say that's all they care about... It sucks to be pushed around etc by people who are supposed to care for you.

Continued