Hello,

I have recently been researching emotional abuse because I think my mother may be doing so to me. I second-guess this though, because I do have clinical depression in addition to a slew of other conditions including ADHD, Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder, Borderline Bi-Polar Disorder, and Anxiety. It's taken me months to even consider that my mom is a trigger.

After she and I argue, she stops talking to me as much as possible for days at a time and only speaks to me when she has to (like, "It's time for dinner") but in a much harsher tone. She also doesn't say "I love you" or even let me hug her in some cases during these days. When she does this I feel like no one loves me and I have tried to kill myself a couple times because, the way I see it, what's the point of living if I am not loved and not accepted?

I am seeing a therapist and she hasn't ever used the term emotional abuse with me, so I never thought my mom was abusive, until my aunt mentioned it. My mom will say things like, "I am tired of dealing with your problems", "You can be such a brat sometimes", "You have to stop talking to your dad about our problems because it's hurting my relationship with your father." I hate when she subtly blames me for her and dad's problems, and I feel like I have been a poison to their relationship - I do feel guilty.

She will often say, "You're misperceiving things" and "You're being too sensitive." This is often in response to when I say that she has said something hurtful. I honestly can't remember most of the hurtful things she has said. I just know she has. I think that my mind blocks out the exact words 'cause they are so hurtful. It just makes me feel like shit. In her defense, she is under a lot of stress. She has a temper and that's not her fault. I do too. It's just... she got so angry once that she swung her hand to slap me in the face. She didn't, but she almost did, and even admitted she was going to.

I think my mother is a trigger of my suicide attempts. I hate saying that because I feel like I'm blaming her for my problems and that last thing I want to do is not take responsibility where responsibility is due. I'm trying to get better.