I just wanted to tell you
how I feel.
I'm 13 years old and I was/am a cutter. I stopped for
three months and have recently started again. Sometimes I
feel so empty, like everything inside of me is gone.
There's no real pain, but the lack of emotion in its self
hurts. I cut because it gives me something to feel. My
mom and me were talking about people who are
"emo" and she asked me if I'd ever cut, I guess
I'd finally gotten tired of lying, so I told her.
Later that night my parents and I had a talk... I don't
talks. It made me wish I'd never told anyone. Being told
shouldn't "carve myself up" and that I was
attempting suicide when I wasn't! They threatened to send
me to a counsellor if I
ever did again and that was enough to get me to stop...
for a while.
of the things that has helped me the most is poetry.
Writing to express the way I feel can help me resist the
sometimes irresistible urges to cut or cause myself pain
I've also been accused of having an eating disorder by
of my friends. I don't eat breakfast or lunch, but I
consider myself anorexic... Am I?
I'm including one of my poems... really just because I
Waiting on my own
I'm left my one small comfort
To grip the blade
To let it loose
My long sleeves still hide the truth
I tried to talk
I've tried to cry
But I just hold the tears inside
They say its wrong
To cause myself pain
But how would they know
They've never felt the same
The joy of a cut
Shortly followed by the fall
The only way I find to feel
The blood that proves that its for real
mom was emotionally abused as a child and she brings it
up all the time to make me feel guilty.
she tells me i'm her only hope though i'm her third child
and expects me to be perfect in school, in my social life
and everything. it's impossible to be what she needs... i
can't be perfect. i've tried.
tells me how she thinks one of my friends is nice and how
another is too crazy and how it seems like the other has
some sort of problem.
whenever we get into a fight she leaves and goes into her
room and starts crying. later i apologize or she never
mentions it again.