I just wanted to tell you how I feel.

I'm 13 years old and I was/am a cutter. I stopped for about
three months and have recently started again. Sometimes I feel so empty, like everything inside of me is gone.

There's no real pain, but the lack of emotion in its self hurts. I cut because it gives me something to feel. My mom and me were talking about people who are "emo" and she asked me if I'd ever cut, I guess I'd finally gotten tired of lying, so I told her.

Later that night my parents and I had a talk... I don't like
talks. It made me wish I'd never told anyone. Being told that I
shouldn't "carve myself up" and that I was attempting suicide when I wasn't! They threatened to send me to a counsellor if I
ever did again and that was enough to get me to stop... for a while.

One of the things that has helped me the most is poetry.
Writing to express the way I feel can help me resist the
sometimes irresistible urges to cut or cause myself pain in
some way.

I've also been accused of having an eating disorder by several
of my friends. I don't eat breakfast or lunch, but I don't
consider myself anorexic... Am I?

I'm including one of my poems... really just because I
want to.

Left alone
Waiting on my own
I'm left my one small comfort
To grip the blade
To let it loose
My long sleeves still hide the truth
I tried to talk
I've tried to cry
But I just hold the tears inside
They say its wrong
To cause myself pain
But how would they know
They've never felt the same
The joy of a cut
Shortly followed by the fall
The only way I find to feel
The blood that proves that its for real

Thank you.


hi again,

my mom was emotionally abused as a child and she brings it up all the time to make me feel guilty.

she tells me i'm her only hope though i'm her third child and expects me to be perfect in school, in my social life and everything. it's impossible to be what she needs... i can't be perfect. i've tried.

she tells me how she thinks one of my friends is nice and how another is too crazy and how it seems like the other has some sort of problem.

whenever we get into a fight she leaves and goes into her room and starts crying. later i apologize or she never mentions it again.